


Sister Maria Explains due South to the von Trapp Children

by china_shop, Lyra Sena (lyrasena)



Category: due South
Genre: Filk, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-10-24
Updated: 2010-10-24
Packaged: 2017-10-12 20:57:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 511
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/129002
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/china_shop/pseuds/china_shop, https://archiveofourown.org/users/lyrasena/pseuds/Lyra%20Sena
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Filk to the tune of My Favorite Things.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sister Maria Explains due South to the von Trapp Children

**Author's Note:**

> For the Neck(ing) challenge on ds_flashfiction. With apologies to Rodgers and Hammerstein.

Stiff tunic collars and boots that are shiny  
Vaults full of water and crypts, oh so tiny  
Whitt-eling elk from the bark of a log  
Dinners with Ray and a wolf that's half dog.

Licking dead bodies and smelling their fingers  
Jumping from buildings, and bombs with weird triggers  
Stetsons and Henleys and caribou tales  
Ointments concocted from blubber of whales!

Neck cracks and lip licks and tugging at collars  
Sleeping in bedrolls, Canadian dollars  
No, thank you kindly and yes, if you please  
For every fresh case, a new weird expertise.

 _When the Mountie  
on the Bounty  
makes his partner pissed  
You know that it's only a matter of time  
before they begin to kiss._

  
Still they pretend and repress all their feelings  
Fight, moan and bitch, and just stare at their ceilings  
Till Ray smiles real broadly and bam! it's revealed  
[Ms. Fraser has fallen head over high-heels.](http://www.trickster.org/speranza/Dare.html)

Leaping and flying while ducking for cover  
[Necking in alleys as hands roam all over](http://neonnights.illuminatedtext.com/duesouth/passers.html)  
Crazy car chases and takeout Chinese  
[Fraser is happiest down on his knees. ](http://members.tripod.com/~happyfriendbox/canoe.html)

_Lots of sniffing  
Lots of grinning  
They're a pair of freaks.  
It takes them a while to figure it out  
But then they have sex for weeks._

  
Stakeouts and shootouts and even the men's room  
The back of the car and the CPD storeroom  
Doorways and sofas and Consulate desks  
[No place is safe from the rampant hot sex.](http://trickster.org/res/juncture.html)

The best thing 'bout Fraser's his oral fixation  
Oh, that, and he's _gorgeous_ \- a double temptation  
He'll lick down Ray's neck at the drop of a hat  
And once he's got started, he won't stop at that.

 _There is moaning  
There is groaning  
Jaws so tightly clenched  
And oh god, when Fraser gets going he has  
[A penchant for speaking French.](http://www.livejournal.com/community/ds_flashfiction/227031.html)_

  
[30 is steamy and 20 is pleasing,](http://dira.ficlaundering.com/ds/sunday.html)  
10 put a sweater on, 0 is freezing  
Lanyards and leather, brass buttons and serge  
Looks like the kinks are about to emerge.

Clinging to airplanes and crevasse caresses,  
Beer and bark tea: a duet not to mess with.  
Shake, bad guys, shake! It's a kick in the head  
Almost as wild as the Mountie in bed.

 _Buddy breathing  
Fear of leaving  
It's an OTP!  
And then right at the end they ride off in a sled.  
Together, they're meant to be._

  
Welsh and Francesca and Turnbull and Thatcher  
Duck boys and Stella, Muldoon and his capture  
Bob in the closet, yeah don't forget Dief  
To sum up due South we'll be short and quite brief:

The first Ray is Vecchio, but he's undercover;  
Kowalski's now Vecchio (and he's Fraser's lover).  
There's baseball and boxing and hockey and chess  
and (mostly off-screen) boys in states of undress.

 _When they finally  
take their clothes off  
Such ecstatic bliss!  
In the script for this eppy, if you will recall:  
a Fraser/Kowalski kiss!_

 

* * *

 

Ray: Fraser – are you wearing _shorts?_  
Fraser: *small cough* Well, yes. You did say you were getting rid of those old curtains…  
Ray: I _knew_ I shouldn't have let you watch that movie.  
Dief: *snorts*


End file.
